This likely does not come as a surprise to anyone, but I rarely feel much sense of accomplishment with household tasks. I don’t have the skills to fix a lot of things. Or any thing. Despite my best efforts, I’m not good at organizing which leaves the house in a near constant state of disarray. The things I do regularly (dishes, laundry, dinner, etc.) don’t require a particularly impressive skill level. Occasionally I will use a chainsaw and then split some wood with an axe; that will provide the sort of sense of pride I’m seeking. But that happens rarely. The time I feel most accomplished and in charge of the house is when I have this bad boy in my hand.
If memory serves, this essential tool came into our house in November of 2019. Before any concerns about pandemic viruses, the Cooksons were scheduled to host a fairly large number of family members for Thanksgiving. Such hosting can be stressful enough — the stress level increases when just a few weeks before the holiday the home is besieged by fruit flies. A few days into the infestation, we found the offending fruit-based granola bar that was left in a snack bag, but by that point the damage was done. And the damage was gross.
The prospect of hosting a food-centric holiday with swarms of fruit flies roaming about the house was less than appealing. At that point we began attacking the flies with anything we could think of. Lots of online researching (little containers filled with vinegar and a little dish soap, covered with saran wrap with holes poked in it was the most common suggestion) led to us trying lots of different stuff to rid the house of the problem. They all worked in some form or fashion, but did not put much of a dent in the problem. I’m slightly embarrassed to say there were times we were just wildly spraying chemicals in the air to try and kill these suckers. As we continued to battle I searched out a new weapon — the above pictured electric fly swatter.
I’m sure many of you have seen or used these things before — I think they are most commonly used to try and combat mosquitoes. I actually bought two of these things, one of which was called “The Executioner.” Which was pretty awesome. While this tool was clearly not designed for fruit flies, if the user was patient, it did the job. You couldn’t really “swat” the offending pests as they are too small and changed direction too quickly. Instead, you just had to hover over areas where they were flying around (near food, the trash can, the sink, etc) and allow them to crash into it. And crash into it they did. Because they are so small, when they hit the racquet portion of the tool, they didn’t just die, they exploded in a little pop. I am not afraid to admit, after a week or so of trying to rid the house of these nasty suckers, roaming around the kitchen and hearing repeated popping was immensely satisfying. And roam I did. Every night after the boys went to bed, I would spend probably 30 minutes moving around the kitchen, and then our bathrooms, exploding the flies. It was a (fairly disgusting) delight.
Now? There are no more fruit flies (or at least very few) but the electric swatter remains one of my favorite things in the house. Maybe even more than my kids. It is commonly used to extinguish a common house fly. Which is probably unnecessary and (pardon the pun) overkill. But trying to hit a buzzing fly with an electrified tennis forehand is fun, and adds some spice to the day. Though generally I use it as a souped up fly swatter when the offending insects have landed somewhere. Is there a part of me what feels a bit guilty and maybe even queasy about subjecting living things to this kind of cruelty? Yes, yes there is. Does it also make me feel powerful and accomplished in a way I rarely do? Indeed.
Without the Executioner I’m an ineffectual dad who gets fired from his job, who abhors and avoids conflict, and who was once (affectionately, I think) had a good friend refer to me as a human doormat. But not when I hold my electric bug killer. Then I am control and rule the house with an iron (electrified) fist, and no insect dares challenge or intrude upon my domain.
Or something like that. Mainly it’s that flies are gross and it’s an effective way to kill them when they are buzzing around the kitchen. But that other stuff sounded better. It is fun to use, though. Unless you accidentally shock your hand. That’s not fun.
🦟 Long live the executioner!! Lol