Mugs, Ranked

Covering important topics

I have quoted this before, but a friend once described my little newsletter as “heartwarming and random in equal measure.” That’s the vibe I’m hoping for, so after pouring all my emotions into my last piece, it’s time for lighter fare. Please follow along as I rank all the mugs we have in our kitchen from least favored to favorite. Why? What is the internet for if not to provide meaningless lists? The rankings will be based on both the quality of the mug and the the pictures/text on the mug. It occurs to me as I begin that this post is a test of my ability to describe the feeling of a mug. Just off the top of my head, you’re probably going to get a lot of “sturdy” “stout” “flimsy” “insubstantial” “fragile” “delicate” and…I think that’s all I have right now. Read on to see if I come up with any others.

Does not qualify: I’m not sure what to do with this one. It’s a very nice — well, “very” is probably an overstatement — it’s a nice gift we got from Rory at the end of kindergarten. It’s a mug with pictures of all his classmates. The instructions along with it indicate it SHOULD NOT be used as an actual mug. Which means I have no idea what to do with it. It sits in the cabinet, unused and neglected, sadly collecting dust. I guess I should probably put it in a box in the basement or something, but that requires me to get my shit together and organize and archive things. It’s sentimental, but not really a mug, therefore I don’t believe it deserves an official ranking.

Does not qualify: My mom gave us this mug, hoping that Declan’s love of farm animals would make it a hit. For some reason it’s another one that I don’t use — in my head it seems like Declan’s mug, though he rarely drinks warm beverage. I have no real explanation for this, but since it is not a mug I use regularly, I am not comfortable ranking it.

(17) This is a picture of my in-laws. They are lovely people, but I confess that drinking coffee out of a mug with their faces (from many years ago) sort of freaks me out. They don’t read this newsletter which means I’m comfortable publicly criticizing them (or at least their mug) in this way. This mug tends to live in the back of the cabinet.

(16) I won’t use this mug. It looks very nice, and I believe would provide a strong drinking experience. I’m not comfortable using it. Caryn made this (I think) when she was deep into her printing days, and it’s a reference to the fine show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I just don’t want to start my day having a conversation with Rory trying to explain the sentiment behind “tits up.” Let’s move on.

(15) I believe a friend gave this mug to Caryn. It’s a fine quality, but I do not feel comfortable drinking out of it. There has never been a single moment in my life in which I have felt, or been called, gorgeous. Let’s move on again.

(14) Similarly, I am not a rock star. I have no rock star tendencies. I believe this came in a set with a smaller rock star mug that Rory uses. He has rock star tendencies. I feel unworthy of this mug.

(13) The only mug that survives from my pre-Caryn days. This was given to me by the owner of the company (Brown & Bigelow) that produced awards for Landmark Conference athletes and teams (my previous job). I drank coffee from it most mornings when I arrived at work. The words have mostly faded, but I love the weight and sturdiness of the mug, so it has hung on through multiple moves.

(12) A very nice mug featuring pictures of my eldest child and other family. Unlike a mug that will appear later in this countdown I have no memory of when this mug came into our house. It’s a perfectly good mug, but it feels a little flimsy to me which knocks it down a few points. Also the only mug we have which has a different color on the inside and handle than the exterior of the mug. Which doesn’t add points, but interests me nonetheless.

(11) I believe I bought this mug during my active twitter days by donating to a political campaign. Or rather acquired, is the more apt word. It was a house candidate in Georgia who had lost her son to gun violence and subsequently made gun control the central theme of her campaign. It’s a nice mug, although it’s a bit on the small side. I’m also not often in the mood to be overtly political early in the morning. I have no regrets about getting this mug, but I’m comfortable not using it very often.

(10) Another mug featuring family photos, though these are specifically me and Declan as it was Father’s Day present from Caryn before Rory was in the picture. I have always loved that photo of Declan and I sleeping, but I feel guilty using this now when Rory can see it as I don’t have a similar mug with him. The mug quality is fine — probably would be comfortably in the top-10 if I wasn’t concerned about Rory’s feelings. I also broke the handle and while a coworker was kind enough to fix it for me, I don’t fully trust it. Nervously drinking coffee is not comforting.

(9) Who doesn’t love Mr. Rogers? I cannot think of many people with a higher approval rating, even after all these years. I think this mug came to us after Caryn donated to a PBS pledge drive — during an emotional moment when they were highlighting how Mr Rogers was an early advocate for inclusion. The message is clearly outstanding, but the design is a bit busy. I don’t know what to focus on. As you can see, it’s also starting to fade a bit, which makes it harder to read. Excellent mug, but the competition is fierce at this stage.

(8) At least two — and maybe more — mugs on this list were either birthday or Christmas gifts from my Caryn’s sister’s family. Although I say with no disrespect to my brother in-law, I suspect it’s my sister in-law who is doing the bulk of the gift shopping. The mug is a reference to a popular soccer podcast called Men In Blazers that she (correctly) guessed that I like. It’s a very solid mug, though a lack of heft and sturdiness keeps it in the back half of the top-10.

(7) Coaxing humor from an investigation of the oddities of the English language are my bag, so this mug hits the sweet spot. This was another mug from my in-laws and it’s a winner. Compared to some of the other mugs in the top-10 it feels a little bit flimsy, which knocks it down a spot or two, and while the text is funny, it’s also a little busy.

(6) Time for controversy. When I suggested this blog idea to Caryn, she indicated this mug is her top pick, yet here it sits outside my top five. Such disrespect. There are some mornings when this mug hits just right, with the ability to see my jet-black coffee clearly providing comfort. Other mornings it hits wrong, mostly because it’s easier to spot stains on a clear mug. Simple can be nice — I just want a little more from my mugs. Excellent heft and sturdiness with this one, however.

(5) Speaking of sturdiness, this mug is in contention for the stoutest in our collection. It’s quite small though, which forces me to go back and refill more than I typically would. This is a big nostalgia item which comes from a coffee spot Caryn and I frequented when I would stay with her in Chicago. They put cayenne pepper in a latte and it was delicious. Nostalgia forces me to overrate this one, but I’m comfortable with it in this spot.

(4) A paradoxical mug. Anyone who reads my writing realizes I am not exactly a stickler for grammatical accuracy. I’m also very particular about certain things, enough so that silently correcting grammar seems on brand. I actually received this mug twice — Caryn gave it to me as a present and then a coworker who liked it replaced it when I broke it. This version has good volume and good feel, combined with the enjoyable text helps it earn this lofty ranking.

(3) This one appeared at our house during those early (scary) days of COVID when it became clear how challenging being home with two children for an extended period was going to be. It’s asking a lot for a mug to provide perspective but the message is a good one. Perhaps most importantly it’s a very big mug that holds a hefty amount of coffee. This is a standout performer in all areas other than invoking memories of an unpleasant time. I appreciate both the whimsy and size of this mug.

(2) Time for a peak behind the curtain. This mug inspired this entire exercise. I love this mug. Caryn gave me this mug for my birthday many years ago, and it is an absolute delight. One morning when enjoying coffee with this mug, I internally debated whether this was my favorite mug. In the end, I determined it is my second-favorite mug, which I think is still high praise. It’s a pretty typical mug in terms of feel, but the Nicholas Cage imagery is next level. It’s also a heat-changing mug, so the beautiful visage of Mr. Cage only appears when hot beverage is added. I’m picking nits for why the mug that follows and not this one earns the top spot, as it is virtually flawless. I love this mug, I just love the next one a little more.

(1) Perfection. A reference from one of my favorite tv shows (see below), and in a mug that feels Ron Swanson-esque in its makeup. This is the sort of mug I imagine being used to knock a burglar unconscious if they happened into our kitchen. It holds a large amount of coffee, it’s weighty with a strong handle, and I chuckle every time I use it. I believe this was another gift from my lovely wife, who clearly excels in buying mugs relevant to my interests. I would not change one single thing about this mug and that earns it the top spot in these coveted rankings.