The Next Step

After acceptance is...?

The internet cannot seem to agree on what today (April 2) is. It seems to be both Autism Awareness and Autism Acceptance Day(s). Which is fine and great — in many ways, we start with awareness and then, hopefully, acceptance follows. For people with autism or anyone else.

Whatever it is called, last year, this day inspired me to write one of my favorite posts thus far, about one of my favorite photographs, and the wonderful Special Olympics Unified Sports program Declan is so thrilled (and fortunate to be a part of. The tone was generally positive, and how one picture helps remind me of the many supports and people he has on his side and in his corner both at school and beyond.

For whatever reason, this day of awareness and celebration hit me a little differently this year. I’m falling back on the same gimmick (who doesn’t love a good recurring gimmick) and building up to a photo that best illustrates the point I hope to make. It’s once again a point about the positive impact of Unified Sports, but this time it comes in a contrast to the ways social encounters and situations often fail kids like Declan outside of the school setting. This time I remain appreciative of both awareness and acceptance for kids like him, but I’m itching for the rest of the world to catch up with Unified.

It’s fitting the Unified program resides within a school, because what it’s really doing is teaching. I honestly believe kids are inherently kind to each other, and want to be inclusive, but kids with Declan’s needs don’t always make it easy. There’s no roadmap or instruction book on how to engage with someone who doesn’t respond to social cues or activities in a typical way, so a structure in which kids learn those skills is invaluable.

We’ve been to countless events over the years, big, small, and everything in between. Most of the time, things play out the same way. Adults, and some kids who know him will come up and say, “hi.” And then they will go about their business of socializing or playing with others, and Declan is left to his own devices. Or more accurately, because of his limitations, he is left to our devices and we spend the time trying to keep him entertained or engaged. In those instances, what promised to be fun, or at least social settings where Caryn and I hope to decompress and feel a little bit as our peers have the luxury of doing instead turn into another letdown for him and for us.

Which brings us to a different event and the photo in question. This winter, for the first time, Declan’s school hosted a Unified dance. We know better than to get our expectations too high for a given event, but at the very least it figured to be a night without the fears and anxieties that we would spend the night wholly responsible for his entertainment.

Somewhat to my surprise, he didn’t find me too much when it came to putting him in some nicer dress clothes, and we even got a picture or two of him looking nice with his brother and mom. Then we arrived at the event, and things mostly progressed as expected.

The adults who knew him and a few of his Unified partners welcomed him enthusiastically, while he very cautiously took in the scene. When he gets to a new place or event, it often takes him a few minutes to warm up. In this case, he rejected some gentle pushing from me and his partners to come join in on the fun, as instead he hung out near the wall and looked overwhelmed. After a few more minutes, his beloved Unified partner Abby took over.

This is where the benefits of learning how to play and work She knows him. She understands him. Maybe not perfectly — I don’t think anyone understands him completely. In that moment, she knew he would respond well she if initiated the fun. Which is exactly what happened.

After a few minutes of letting him collect himself and get comfortable, she came back over ignored his hesitancy, took his hand, and led him out into the fun and activity of the dance. She let him have his moments of caution, but then she initiated the interaction and brought him into the mix. Unsurprisingly, once he was in the midst of the music and frivolity, Declan got acclimated and had a big smile on his face the rest of the night as he danced (sort of), chased his friends around, and mostly seemed happy to be amongst other kids.

Did she spend every second of the rest of the night glued to him and only interacting with him? No, and I wouldn’t expect her to. But she had the experience, comfort, and inclusive spirit to reach out and drag him into the fold to start, which makes all the difference.

This is the picture that inspired my post this time around. It’s oddly similar to the one last year, but a bit more active. I may even have used this exact line last year, but this is what inclusion looks like. It’s someone being proactive rather than passive, and ensuring involvement.

I didn’t have a picture of her taking his hand at the beginning, but I did have this one of her gently guiding him later in the event, and it serves the same emotional purpose. I also have some lovely photos of him looking very handsome with some of his lovely young friends, but I try to respect the privacy of non-Cookson children in this space and not share their faces if I can avoid it. Either way, as is typically the case with any Unified Sports event Declan takes part in, I came away both impressed with the kids who so eagerly include Declan and his peers, and grateful for the opportunities they present.

I realize this is a bit of a cherry-picked example. The entire point of this event was to provide an inclusive and fun atmosphere for everyone, so what Declan’s partner did was almost the expectation, rather than the exception. She still had to take that step and do it, and that makes all the difference. It changes things from the type of day we’ve experienced over and over again with Declan, to the kind of day that moved me enough to write about it.

There is nothing wrong with Autism Awareness or Autism Acceptance. Hey, I’m something of a writer, I appreciate use of a catchy alliteration to grab attention. Things are different for people not living with all this every day. We occupy this world all the time and with what little platform I have to provide my perspective. Acceptance and awareness are wonderful steps, but they are only first steps.

Autism awareness and acceptance is saying “hi.” Autism inclusion is moving beyond “hi” and taking the next steps. It’s not easy – nothing about this is easy – but the world looks a whole lot brighter and warmer for kids like Declan when more and more people are willing and able to not stop at “hi.”