The day in question happened at the very beginning of September, and I intended to write about it then. I’ve intended to write about a lot of stuff, but things happen. I looked back in my texts and the day was September 1st. The boys were off from school after starting the new school year for three days, and I was home with them. And I can say, with no hesitation, I was an absolute garbage parent that day.
I don’t know what my problem was, but I was just awful. I had no patience, I was mad at them from the moment I got up that day. It was a pathetic display by yours truly. There is little evidence I’m a highly-effective parent on my good days, but the worst outcomes typically are on the off-schedule days. The random days off from school, the snow days, even the days when the kids are sick and I should be at my most sympathetic, sadly those tend to be when I’m at my worst. I’m protective of my routines at this point in my life, and when these days arise that steal the freedom, my tiny pea brain shuts down and I’m an unpleasant grump. My to my kids’ delight, I’m sure.
The struggles on this day were exacerbated by some unforeseen circumstances. Not realizing the boys had the day off, we had scheduled some work to be done at the house, and a delivery to arrive during the dreaded 3-hour window. Which meant that no matter irritated I was, I couldn’t take the kiddos out of the house for any extended period of time — and having them both at the house together for long stretches often goes poorly.
I am self-aware enough as it’s happening that I know I’m being a dirtbag of a father, but that doesn’t make it easy to steer out of the skid. Though it was more than a month ago, there was certainty on that day I was handling things poorly. Which is the context that made the two nice things stand out.
One of them was simple, though that makes it no less nice. I was texting the mom of one of Rory’s friends (who will remain nameless for these purposes as I don’t want to embarrass her in the event she reads this) trying to see if I could arrange some activities later in the day. I don’t know if she could sense there were some struggles, but whatever the reason as we discussed something she was doing with her kids she asked me, “want me to bring Rory? Would that help?”
Simple. That was it. Nothing fancy, just an offer to help. No, it didn’t magically improve my countenance and turn me into an exemplary parent the rest of the day. I remained pretty shitty, if memory serves. It was still a moment of kindness and generosity that did lift the spirits. It was nice to hear someone essentially say, “you’re not alone.” Grateful is the only was to describe the feeling in that moment. Grateful.
The second nice thing is a little more of a winding road. Those who have been reading this newsletter for awhile may recall the story of how Declan came to regularly wear overalls. In writing that story, I debated with myself whether it was sort of cheesy to include the name of the company whose overalls we started buying for Declan. We really did like the product, and the fact that it was exactly what we needed at the moment we needed it was no small thing, nor was the fact that we bought a lot of them because it’s essentially the only thing he can wear during the winter. Which means we need many pairs, even with a laundry whiz like myself manning the station. But at the time it seemed sort of odd to grant them any kind of free advertising even in this tiny little realm.
Well, the company is called Swoveralls, and I share that now because the second nice thing from that day earned the company my unwavering support.
I am not breaking news by saying we all are familiar with the promotional emails companies send if you happen to have ever purchased their product. It’s fairly relentless, and many peers have said it’s essentially why they no longer check email. I am still a person who checks emails, and who diligently deletes all the promo messages to maintain inbox integrity. This is all a long way of saying, near the end of that terrible night of parenting, I got a promo email from Swoveralls. Because it was promoting a sale, I opened it, and discovered that the message was from (or purported to be from) the CEO of the company. Actually, he referred to himself as the Chief Swoveralls Officer, but that’s besides the point. My assumption was he didn’t actually write this, and it was foolish to think he did. But the last line of the email was: “PS: I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to reply directly to this email, or schedule a 1on1 comfy meeting with me here.”
Perhaps it was my feeling emotional after being a crappy parent all day, but I read that email while sitting on the floor in the hallway outside Declan’s room as I waited for him to fall asleep (why that is our bedtime process is a long story for another day) and I decided I would reply to the Chief Swoveralls Officer. So I wrote a very brief note, thanking him for his company and I included a link to the story about Declan. Someone had been nice to me earlier, and now nice begets nice. But I did not anticipate a response.
I certainly did not anticipate getting an email back telling me how much the story meant to him, and that he had looked and seen what our previous orders had been and that he would be sending us a bunch of new pairs in the next size up so Declan would be sure to have some to wear in the future. No, that is not what I was anticipating. But that’s what we got. Nice begets nice begets nice.
And so if you’re in the market for comfy overalls for you or your kids, check out Swoveralls if only because they took the time to reply to an email from a strung out parent.
In thinking about that day (which I was doing today because the kids were again off from school — and I think I did much better today, at least until bedtime) it occurs to me one of the great joys of being an adult is having the opportunity and freedom to demonstrate kindness. Sure, we love to see kids practicing kindness, but that often is dependent on parents for execution, or is limited in scope. Which is still great, and is what we hope for as parents. Yet as adults, we have the opportunity to spread kindness all over the place. Whether a simple text, or giving away products, there are countless openings every day to try and lighten someone’s load. Not to say I’m doing this all the time while shirking my other responsibilities, but it’s a great luxury of adulthood to be able to exhibit random kindness.
I don’t want this to sound like a lecture, I just think it’s comforting and exciting to think about how easy it can be to share those moments. Because when you do, they might be something that sticks with people many months later as these did. That’s not nothing.