If I’m going to meet my Sunday accountability post goals I need to write a Rory birthday post and come up with a new recurring feature. I’m kicking around ideas in my head for both those items, but instead it’s a short insight into a recurring daily dose of agitation for my other child.
Helpless. There is a feeling of helplessness that comes with being a parent in general but I’ve found that feeling is exacerbated with a special needs child whose behavior is often beyond the pale. This can also foster feelings of guilt when we send him off to school each day, never quite sure what sort of antics might await his teachers and aides.
This is why the hour between 3 and 4 pm each day is a tense one for me nearly every day. Sometime during those 60 minutes we get his daily report from school. Let’s begin with the caveat — it is incredibly nice to have a daily report of his activities and how his day went, as he is unable to recount those things for us. In fact when I’ve mentioned this to other parents with neurotypical children, they usually express they wish the detailed insight was available for their child (and now having a child in kindergarten, I do understand that impulse).
While I am grateful for the communication, every day when I see the email a sense of dread descends as I steel myself to open it and fear discovering what sorts of mischief and erratic nonsense he has been up to. Do I really want to open this, and read something that’s going to ruin the rest of my evening as feel terrible and helplessly consider what, if anything, we can do to address the situation.
Thankfully most of the time it’s either positive or benignly negative. Despite that, I still have the moments of tension every time as I try to decide whether I’m emotionally ready to see what the report entails. Suffice it to say those sixty minutes are not my favorite of the day.
I share this not to elicit sympathy, but if I’m going to actually continue to post daily and share the stuff rattling around in my head, some of it is going to be a little somber. This is part of the every day reality. Here’s hoping today’s update is a good one.